Put Anything Funny Here, Anything as long as it is Funny

lol... it's funny..

Grandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."

lol!

sprity wrote:Advantages of not having LOVER….

• Save Time
  
• Can sleep well
  
• Don’t have to bother about missed calls
  
• Don’t have to worry about how U look.
  
• No SMS in middle of the nite
  
• No need to recharge Ur Mobile often
  
• Can talk with all guys/gals
  
• Go anywhere with anyone
  

very nice sprity!!!

always follow
ur
heart..

not ur
mind..

because
there is a
saying..


"NEVER MIND"

I can't stop laughing!

The Divorce Letter

DIVORCE LETTER... PRICELESS


Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years
and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks
have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had
quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had
gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even
wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate
in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex
anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you
don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I
watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant
whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first
thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!"
but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't
say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers
on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that
it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that morning ... And your silk boxers were
$49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could
work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto
for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two
tickets to Jamaica .. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said that with the letter that you wrote, you won't
get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed
Rich As H_e_l_l and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my
sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

Alan_Ariel wrote:

first time i see this car..

cooooooool caaaaaaaaars

lol... where did u get those, moo?

@nanay deng:filipino forums...



The Naked Man on the Bench




A
little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came
across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his
genitals.

The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"

The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!" The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.

Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain. "Where the hell am I?"

A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency help, so we rushed you right over."

"Well, what the hell happened to me?"

"We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening to you today?"

The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just before I fell asleep."

The
doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was still
there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happened to that
man you saw here earlier?"

"Well," the little girl said, "I
started to play with that nice little bird that he had and the damn
thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck, broke its eggs, and set its
nest on fire!"

Alan_Ariel wrote:

LOL.. A motor in da back...

Why I Fired My Secretary

I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,
"I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and
shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big
kiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and
there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. So
I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well,
she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they
will sing 'Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me." There I sat, enjoying
my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen,
yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going to
miss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.


When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile
and a cheerful "Happy birthday, boss." She then asked if she could get me some
coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better.


Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, "Since
it's your birthday, why don't we have lunch together?" Thinking it would make
me feel better, I said, "That's a good idea." So we locked up the office, and
since it was my birthday, I said, "Why don't we drive out of town and have
lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?" So we drove out of
town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and a
nice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, "Why don't
we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini." It sounded like a good
idea, since we didn't have much to do in the office. So we went to her
apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, "If you
will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable," and she
left the room.


In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big
birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with
nothing on but my socks.

jon.. funny animated pics.. hahaha..

TEACHER: What is an island ?
Pupil: A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.
TEACHER: On one side ?
Pupil: Yes, on top !

Two guys in a bar …………………..
One says, “Did your hear the news? Our mate is dead!”
“My God, what happened to him?”
“Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn’t brake properly and boom, he hit the pavement, the the car flipped up and he flew through the sunroof. Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.”
“Gosh, what a horrible way to die!”
“No, no, he survived that, that didn’t kill him at all. So he landed in my upstairs bedroom and he was all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spotted the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and he reached up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He was just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe came crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones.”
“Damn it, what a way to go, that’s terrible!”
“No, no, that didn’t kill him. He survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off himself and he crawled out onto the landing where he tried to pull himself up on the banister but, under his weight, the banister broke and he went falling down to the first floor. In mid-air, all the broken spindles fell on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.”
“Hell, now that is the most unfortunate way to go!”
“No no, that didn’t kill him, he even survived that. So he was on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawled into the kitchen, tried to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water. Whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off.”
“Man, what a way to go!”
“No, no, he survived that, he survived that! He was lying on the floor, covered in boiling water and he spotted the phone and tried to pull himself up to call for help, but instead he grabbed the light switch and pulled the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn’t mix and so he got electrocuted with a wallop — 10,000 volts shot through him.”
“Now that is one awful way to go!”
“No, no, he survived that, he…”
“Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?”
“I shot him!”
“You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?”
“Damnit man, he was wrecking my house!”

Awesome story....
A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".
So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone.
Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff" and he was also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm"
Moral of the story is:

Always allow the boss to speak first..!

sorry....

hahahahahaha

Prospective Employer to Applicant: "So why did you leave your previous job?"

Applicant: "The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

corny

4 kinds of "Fart"

1. Long but Harmless

2. Loud and Proud

3. Silent but Violent

4. Wet and Wild

benjbuddy wrote:4 kinds of "Fart"

1. Long but Harmless

2. Loud and Proud

3. Silent but Violent

4. Wet and Wild

hahahaha.. can't stop laughing..

Once upon a time in Benj house,

There was 3 girls ..

There is a man too..

3 of them fucked by the man..

The first girl - Run away
The second girl - Crying
The third and final girl - Want some more..

NooxPhe2 wrote:Once upon a time in Benj house,

There was 3 girls ..

There is a man too..

3 of them fucked by the man..

The first girl - Run away
The second girl - Crying
The third and final girl - Want some more..

phe, please don't use the f*** word..

Painting Swimming Pool.....

Alan_Ariel wrote:

NooxPhe2 wrote:Once upon a time in Benj house,

There was 3 girls ..

There is a man too..

3 of them fucked by the man..

The first girl - Run away
The second girl - Crying
The third and final girl - Want some more..

phe, please don't use the f*** word..

it's just a joke aLAN.. hehe.. sorry for those who didn't like it ..

sprity wrote:

sprity wrote:

Painting Swimming Pool.....

Again ..

NooxPhe2 wrote:

Alan_Ariel wrote:

NooxPhe2 wrote:Once upon a time in Benj house,

There was 3 girls ..

There is a man too..

3 of them fucked by the man..

The first girl - Run away
The second girl - Crying
The third and final girl - Want some more..

phe, please don't use the f*** word..

it's just a joke aLAN.. hehe.. sorry for those who didn't like it ..

its okay.. but it is funny..

MOOrderer wrote:

benjbuddy wrote:4 kinds of "Fart"

1. Long but Harmless

2. Loud and Proud

3. Silent but Violent

4. Wet and Wild

WOW! My most common ones are the Loud but Harmless and the Silent but Violent one...I call SBV the silent-killer though...ahahaha.